December 1999
...And That's
My OpinionŠ
By Sandy Goldman
The Rogers Park Community
Curmudgeon
Legislators....
Aren't We Lucky To Have Them?
"I have got to talk
to you," said my friend from Tarpon Springs, Florida where he lives in
retirement. Ever since 1953, when he and I saw the movie "Beneath The 12
Mile Reef", he has been obsessed with harvesting a giant sponge from the
reefs of Tarpon Springs, a feat that Robert Wagner accomplished in the movie.
While he wanted to emulate Robert Wagner, I wanted to find actress Terry Moore,
but that's another story.
"So," I said,
"have you finally found the giant sponge?"
"Never mind that, I
want to talk about what's going on in Springfield and in the Chicago City
Council," he retorted.
"Yes?" I said,
afraid to say more.
"The way we hear it
down here is that Governor Ryan has called special sessions of the House and
Senate to correct some flaws in the Safe Neighborhoods Act after the Supreme
Court struck it down as unconstitutional. How come all those bright legislators
and their highly paid lawyers and consultants couldn't get it right the first
time? Didn't any of them have the time to read the Illinois Constitution?
Didn't any of them know that each piece of legislation needs to deal with only
one subject? Apples and oranges-we learned in high school that they don't mix.
"But the
Constitution is cumbersome, and lawmaking is a complicated and imprecise
art," I responded.
"Balderdash",
he bellowed, "they all knew how to solicit funds for political campaigns
at the offices of the Secretary of State and at huge fund-raising parties! But
what really has us laughing down here is your Lt. Governor Woods campaign
against the racy and suggestive holiday catalog of Abercrombie and Fitch,
which, she says, features all kinds of and suggestive poses. Down here
in Florida, people walk around all day in fewer clothes than those models-and
that's the blue-haired, bifocal crowd. You ought to see the young folks; not
only on the street but also on the beaches. Talk about suggestive...Hey wait a
minute...I remember the Oak Street Beach."
"Oak Street Beach is
pretty in the summertime," I mused slowly.
Back on track, he
tittered and said, " And now I read that Mayor Daley is livid because his
nominee for Fire Commissioner was approved 42-5 instead of a unanimous
vote."
"Yes", I shot
back, "he is not used to such 'overwhelming' dissent."
"
Furthermore," he continued, "only a few days ago this august body
jumped on the bandwagon and attempted to ban the same Abercrombie & Fitch
catalog for reasons of immorality and indecency."
"They were afraid
of the bad example it would set for the youth of our city," I informed
him.
"Really," he
said, "was anyone posing with an AK-47 or a Saturday night special? Were
the models pretending to do a drive-by shooting? Were there pictures of
rampaging youths breaking store windows to run off with Abercrombie & Fitch
merchandise? There is more graphic indecency and immorality in the magazines
and tabloids on the newsstands and in drug and grocery stores throughout
Chicago than in that catalog-remember, I used to live in Chicago."
"OK," I
replied, "but the Chicago City Council and the Lt. Governor are in a way
responsible for the morality of the citizens of the city and the state!"
"What do you
mean?" he exclaimed in total astonishment. "Just look at the record
of the Chicago city government, the judiciary and other elected officials,
shall we? Dozens of dishonest, unscrupulous aldermen from Michael "Hinky
Dink" Kenna and "Bathhouse John Coughlin in the late 1800s to Tim
Evans and the great reformer Larry Bloom in the 1990's. Look at the Greylord
scandal; traffic court bribes, illegal fly dumping and wire-tapping evidence of
unscrupulous activities...and on and on and on. There is the real immorality.
Abercrombie and Fitch...it's just a catalog for goodness sakes!!"
"Pause for a
minute," I said, "you're running out of breath."
"Never mind
that!" he continued, "I grew up in Chicago in the era of massage
parlors and adult book stores-in fact I owned a couple of them. I know what it
took for these stores to stay in business. I never heard hardly a peep about
morality. Some are still in business and there is still not a peep. Abercrombie
and Fitch indeed! I have just on final question Sandy old buddy, does anybody
in that city council understand the meaning of hyperbole?"
"I don't
know!" I said, "I'll have to think about that!!!"
...And that's my opinion.
And I'm Sandy Goldman
Send
me your e-mail address or those of others who would be interested and I'll add
them to my rapidly growing distribution list.
To Email Me: smgoldman@ameritech.net
If you're still out there on
January 1st - Happy Y2K!